Years back – this one evening, I furiously walked into my mother’s room and almost screamed at her for being too tolerant. As I was growing up, I started noticing how small needs of my father were crucially important and my mother gave up too much to fulfill what others wanted – too often. She would let my father let his anger out, for a reason or not for a reason, patiently. It felt so unfair that I once told myself, “Being patient in a relationship is such a crime, you can’t love yourself. This will not be I in any of my relationships.”
When a ship floats on the water, the bottom of the ship is the most important part – that is built in a manner so that the ship can float, so that it doesn’t sink. When an onlooker sees the ship, he/she can’t see what’s beneath the water. What I am trying to say is, that I learnt – this lesson that relationships are often like these ships. There’s so much under the water- it is a human heart always failing to dig a little deeper and realize that roots of any existence in this world are strong but hidden.
Patience is the root of a relationship. My mother did show her anger, she did keep her desires in front of my father, she did let her agitation out on occasions but unlike my father she was always considerate about ‘when’. She was always the binding energy, like a vastly spread moonlit sky and my father was just a lightening. She was the one who held the galaxies, the stars, the moon and he was temporary, who fed on the vastness of the sky.
How many times have you been in that moment when anger got the better of you?
When was the last time when your frenetic heart failed to see the goodness of the other in a relationship?
How many times we make decisions in a second, we judge in a second, we reach on a conclusion in a second – only to realize there was much more beyond the point of our patience.
Most of us are undoubtedly tied up with the times. There’s tiredness and there’s a sense of loss of time. We fail to stop by too often, to listen to stories, to look closely at people aching for a loved one, to look at our own homes and feel what has kept it growing or breaking since years.
Despite the restlessness, the hysterical breaking and blooming of our love for ourselves and the others, we have failed to keep our relationships intact – mostly because we were too frazzled, to stay on the brim and wait for a little longer, to let things settle down and give what we love, one more chance; only when we knew at the core of our hearts- that would have been the right choice.
I have been in these situations, where I blamed before I self-checked. Where I could have stopped at the point when I saw my relationships reducing to nothing but egoistic arguments. Where I could have looked beyond that hour, those words, that particular issue. Where I could have thought that self presumed conclusions often lead to wrong closures. Where despite of being correct, I could have thought, how my mother did, of the correct time to say certain things. Where I did have the ability to be patient but I chose not to.
There are certain things that can’t be taught and when they go wrong, one can’t be blamed for them. Nobody will ever tell you in this moment, to listen to your heart and choose the better version of you- because you can.
Patience can’t be taught downright as a mannerism. It can be observed and learnt when you do feel that impatience has broken small things in your life. When you are able to see that your anger, an impulsiveness in your temperament has blotted the affection of others towards you. When you are able to notice that people whom you dearly love are hesitant of speaking their heart out in front of you. When the small joys of a relationship change to a routine of you and me instead of ‘us’.