Category Archives: Life, Love & Self

When Impatience Takes Space in a Relationship

Years back – this one evening, I furiously walked into my mother’s room and almost screamed at her for being too tolerant. As I was growing up, I started noticing how small needs of my father were crucially important and my mother gave up too much to fulfill what others wanted – too often. She would let my father let his anger out, for a reason or not for a reason, patiently. It felt so unfair that I once told myself, “Being patient in a relationship is such a crime, you can’t love yourself. This will not be I in any of my relationships.”

When a ship floats on the water, the bottom of the ship is the most important part – that is built in a manner so that the ship can float, so that it doesn’t sink. When an onlooker sees the ship, he/she can’t see what’s beneath the water. What I am trying to say is, that I learnt – this lesson that relationships are often like these ships. There’s so much under the water- it is a human heart always failing to dig a little deeper and realize that roots of any existence in this world are strong but hidden.


Patience is the root of a relationship. My mother did show her anger, she did keep her desires in front of my father, she did let her agitation out on occasions but unlike my father she was always considerate about ‘when’. She was always the binding energy, like a vastly spread moonlit sky and my father was just a lightening. She was the one who held the galaxies, the stars, the moon and he was temporary, who fed on the vastness of the sky.

How many times have you been in that moment when anger got the better of you?
When was the last time when your frenetic heart failed to see the goodness of the other in a relationship?
How many times we make decisions in a second, we judge in a second, we reach on a conclusion in a second – only to realize there was much more beyond the point of our patience.

Most of us are undoubtedly tied up with the times. There’s tiredness and there’s a sense of loss of time. We fail to stop by too often, to listen to stories, to look closely at people aching for a loved one, to look at our own homes and feel what has kept it growing or breaking since years.

Despite the restlessness, the hysterical breaking and blooming of our love for ourselves and the others, we have failed to keep our relationships intact – mostly because we were too frazzled, to stay on the brim and wait for a little longer, to let things settle down and give what we love, one more chance; only when we knew at the core of our hearts- that would have been the right choice.

I have been in these situations, where I blamed before I self-checked. Where I could have stopped at the point when I saw my relationships reducing to nothing but egoistic arguments. Where I could have looked beyond that hour, those words, that particular issue. Where I could have thought that self presumed conclusions often lead to wrong closures. Where despite of being correct, I could have thought, how my mother did, of the correct time to say certain things. Where I did have the ability to be patient but I chose not to.

There are certain things that can’t be taught and when they go wrong, one can’t be blamed for them. Nobody will ever tell you in this moment, to listen to your heart and choose the better version of you- because you can.

Patience can’t be taught downright as a mannerism. It can be observed and learnt when you do feel that impatience has broken small things in your life. When you are able to see that your anger, an impulsiveness in your temperament has blotted the affection of others towards you. When you are able to notice that people whom you dearly love are hesitant of speaking their heart out in front of you. When the small joys of a relationship change to a routine of you and me instead of ‘us’.

The Joy of Being the Old School Ordinary Girl

It was in grade 6 when someone talked to me for an hour and said, “you’re really old school, I like it!’. I smirked like a clueless girl – immediately went back home and checked what did ‘old school’ mean. There I was, the most appropriate phrase of the universe was found and every time I had to describe myself I loved saying, I’m an old school person.

Only when I grew up did I realize the true meaning and an invincible joy of being this old-fashioned plain girl. All the fun was in the ordinariness I believed in. While everyone’s hashtags looked like this – #potd, #clubnight, #beachparty, #iphone, #hookingup; mine looked like these – #vintage, #virginiawoolf, #mandalas, #peace, #selflove, #soulmate.

I don’t believe in categorizations, so I won’t say a person who parties won’t read books or someone who hooks up can’t ever fall in love; it’s all possible in a single lifetime but being an old school person I did realize that no matter what, I can’t ever make sense of loud music, some bottles of beers and random people calling it the most fun night of their life. I can’t make sense of people who meet someone for four days – fall in love – there are promises of forever made – for the 100th time in their lives. I can’t make sense of people dressing up all jazzy just to be able to match up the environment you’re going to spend your time in. I can’t make sense of photographs that are clicked not for memories but for hashtags and social media banter. I can’t make sense of reading only terribly tiny tales if you’ve never lived a long story for a few months and then cried like a baby that it’s over.

Old school is not just a tag, it’s a way of life. I did struggle a lot – fitting in, making sense of the new glittery stuff I was introduced to each year, the feeling – that may be I’m just a boring person and each one of them are so cool, but to only end up with the realization – there’s an undeniable hollowness within each of us that could only be filled in with things which are more permanent, promising and real.

~ After all the music in the world, you can’t call it a day without listening to Mohd. Rafi, Farida Khanum or John Lennon, Led Zeppelin

Those funky moves, the bass, hipster lyrics, all the loudness is all fine but where is the solace in music if not in the melodious voice of Rafi or Lata Mangeshkar. Taylor Swift, Adele, Beyonce, Madonna – it’s all good but nothing can match what Pink Floyd or Rolling Stones ever did in the name of music.

True, your playlist is often useless when everyone gathers in a room to have ‘fun’, sorry but not sorry, it’s rather good to fail to call today’s most of Bollywood music – music in real terms. Most of the songs composed and written by classic bands used to be poems sung out loud that meant a whole different world in their heads, today, there’s a single line sung through the whole verse of a song.

May be, their music is trending but your playlist is not less than a friend in solace who shares the little dance you have in your head while listening to songs and feeling a thunderstorm of emotions.
“There’s a lot you can tell about a person from their playlist”

~ A diary and a pen to let your heart out can never be replaced by small iPhone notes.

You love to take out your diary every time a though buzzes in your head and penning it down is such a relief, like you just saved a holy life. As much you love using those diaries, the more you love collecting them – a few with quotes, some with floral designs, a couple of them with plain pages and some small pocket diaries. There’s no end to the stationary you can collect, an ink pen, one pen for each colour that exists, gem studded pen and sometimes a barbie pen is lovely too!

Well, how is it going to be equivalent to a small note typed on an iPhone, even the universe can’t conspire to make a diary lover fall in love with the touch of a phone to let out all the bubbles of poems, stories and journals ensnared within you.

~ You’ll choose one out of hundred thousands and stick to them for a lifetime.

Out of 100 people in a room, you’ll be able to befriend just one or two but the ones who’re your chosen friends, they are the ones you’ll stick by in every situation. They will be the ones who’ll see you crying for food and laughing on the worst jokes – for the life to come.

It’s difficult for you to call someone your friend until you don’t have each other’s updates of personal, professional, emotional, sexual life till date – irrespective of the break in between.

You may or may not have time to hangout or chill but there has to be time to listen to the rants, frustrations and emotional outbreaks of your friend. Worst and best, you cling like a true friend in need because may be you know as an old school person, heart can love just a few, too dearly and truly.

Though, I do not intend to say people who’re not old school, aren’t loyal friends but old school is a lot about – ‘one woman man/one man woman.’

~ Before you choose your kind of people, it might take days, months and years – just to be sure.

You are like the most innocent breathing, almost invisible, mammal on earth who’s nothing to do with the human species all around and is so sufficient within oneself that friendship and relationships are just an added bonus that happen by chance – naturally and effortlessly.

You believe in serendipity instead of making things happen just because there should be a social circle. You’ll take days before you can believe in the friendships that happen to cross your way and you need to feel the most comfortable and accepted – including your flaws.

~ There’s a perennial flow of philosophical thoughts in all situations in life.

You can’t stop being a philosophy freak. Food, drives, films, music, games, books, outings, furniture everything has a philosophy and you feel a little more elated when you can share it with people and even more elated if people can make sense of all of your philosophies.

Everything needs to be sensible and reasonable, jokes included. They make you the person you are, the lessons that you learn in life, you start echoing them each day to make your life and the life of your near and dear ones better.

~ You’re a die heard fan of vintage stuff, be it typewriter, fountain pens, kanjeevarams, phulkari dupattas or a polka dot skirt.

Trends are the most useless things to follow for you. There are things which are universal and evergreen and picking them up is your unconscious choice. No matter how much you try to experiment and add colours and versatility to your closet or collections, you can’t stop running back to the vintage for all the glory and glamour in life.

Those Pinterest and Tumblr images with antique stationery, silk threads and picturesque golden black combinations are your weaknesses and you dream of spaces in a single theme, that is vintage.

~ You love writing letters, journals and making handmade cards to show affection and love.

There’s nothing that can suffice enough your emotions as much as a letter. Though mostly you might end up writing these letters to your own self because you adamantly believe no one knows the worth of them as much as you do.

Gifts are gifts but a handmade card does all the heart melting for you. Someone’s emotions penned down in pictures, words is a golden effort to win your heart.

You also collect all these letters carefully to make sure you can one day open your box of treasure and relive many memories in a single moment.

There’s a lot more that can be added to the world of an old school soul. They feel years older than the rest of the people around them and proudly so.

They grow up with a sense of mystic and it’s harder for them to fit in and make way for the things they want to do and the lives they want to lead but they hardly give up and become who they believe they really are, by heart and soul.

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