Myself into myself

Why can’t I feel my heart and everything it causes in my body? I fear, I fear the shortness of this life to live these odd hours so numb and rest of my life just dreaming. Those chills through my spine kind of moments, I don’t like the rarity of them. I don’t like the fact that to feel my heart throb inside me I need some settings around me. Only with a man or under a sky full of stars or only with a pen in hand, a poem on lips can I feel that I’m alive. And then I can’t put into words that how does it happen. I swallow myself into myself. Half my breath I curse myself and open my mouth to cry and the other half of the same moment is so lonely , it shuts me and I can’t even cry. Why, I ask why life doesn’t happen as much as we desire? Why is it running so fast and drowning so slow?
~P

Image by Mona Kuhn

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